Self-indulgent word vomit on the state of my life
AIM IM with Reecord22/28/09 3:50 AM (edited for clarity and length)
ME:
k like sometimes don't you feel like OH MY GOD HOW DO I FILL THIS GIANT HOLE IN MY HEART
RICHARD:
having a night like I am, I take it
ME:
k so i was having this horrible night
couldnt' sleep
cuz i fucking sleep all day
fucking sleep all dayness...
so i got up
no nyquil in the house
no tylenol pm
no benadryl
RICHARD:
no alcohol?
ME:
no can do, got heart issues
RICHARD:
ahhhh
broken heart issues
ME:
so...shit
shit, i say
meh, i turn on the tv
and i'm like damn that tv is bright
and who is on but dane cook
not in the mood to laugh, I think to myself, not in the mood
but wait
it was vicious circle
which like, i sototally missed when it was originally on
and i was like dude
how did i miss this anyway
he was talking about crying
and i was like
wow that is how i feel
his last in the round bit wasn't so good
but this one
this one was good
dude
i didn't realize he like
he has a SOUL
i mean, i suspected
but like...he's like a real person
anyway apparently he is christian but what i DIDN'T catch was that he grew up catholic
like ME
i've been suspecting for sometime that he's a christian
or an xtian, for you athiests out there.
RICHARD:
I dunno man he's just packaged wrong
and shouldn't be in those shitty movies
ME:
oh yeah
RICHARD:
he caught on with the bro crowd and they're running with it
ME:
yeah, you're totally right, those movies are shitty
RICHARD:
someone said they met him and he was a sweetheart
and some of his bits
the speak and spell one
do you know that one
ME:
haha totally
it's on my ipod
RICHARD:
gets me everytime
ME:
...comes up way too much
ME:
...i think that has something to do with the fact that i can't afford more music
RICHARD:
STEAL IT
didn't I tell you about that LJ group?
soooo much music
all the times
ME:
hmmm okaaayyy
i need to get on that
NEED MORE MUSIC
i've decided
...instead of chasing u2 around the place this year
i'm gonna spend my money on music
oh god my SOUL
my soul it ACHES, richard
RICHARD:
lol
ME:
this is what happens
every night
i get to thinking shit right
i get mad inspired
and i'm like
i gotta...i gotta do something...to fill up my soul
i gotta do something BIG
RICHARD:
yeah
ME:
because this hole, this hole in my soul
it is BIG TOO
RICHARD:
right
lifestyles of the sad and single
ME:
like i gotta...i gotta...
you know?
i gotta be CRAZY and do something brilliant
you know, connect with other people on a VISCERAL LEVELL
you feelinme
RICHARD:
yes I feel you
up close and personal
ME:
and so i'm mad inspired
and i'm like "i gotta get cultured, i gotta LEARN ABOUT THE WORLD"
so i start reading all of those blogs that i saved and never really read
i start dling some new music
maybe do some art
start a new business
you know, flesh out the ME
then 5 am, 6 am comes
and I start to get tired
and so i'm like, alright
i'll go to bed
But MAN I CAN"T WAIT TO WAKE UP AND LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST
and so i got o bed
i set my alarm for 8 am
cuz i can't WAIT to get started again
8 am comes and the alarm goes off and i turn it off
sleep in till 4
don't wanna get up
usually like around 11 i have to pee pretty bad
but i so don't wanna get up
So I hold it for like, 5 hours.
all the while, definitely not getting sleep because I have to pee so bad.
RICHARD:
damn son
STORY OF MY LIFE
ME:
all that motivation
all that INSPIRATION
GONE.
like the missing chunk of my soul
GONE
it's like in my sleep i pulled this total 180
and all a sudden life is filled with a big heavy smoky SUCKNESS
and i don't wanna do ANYTHING
don't care
no motivation
life is just one big fat burden and i'd rather just stay in my bed with my supersoft bamboo sheets and cuddle up with my scented eye mask and my iphone
i go to the WHite Noise app
i choose Airplane
I drown the world out
my little niece comes over BRIDGET I'M CUTE COME PLAY WITH ME
but no
i'm too tired
and I've started to realize
I"m missing out on LIFE
like good shit
meaningful shit
and people in my life are missing out on ME
anyway
every day
that is how it goes
over and over again
RICHARD:
you said it sister
damn
ME:
and the hole gets bigger
RICHARD:
you should write a blorg
ME:
and i feel like a big fat heroin addict
dude, i had one and no one read it.
well, i still have one.
i'll put this on it in case anyone gives a flip.
i hope i remember how
actually, i think the last blog post i made was a convo with you dude
ME:
k like sometimes don't you feel like OH MY GOD HOW DO I FILL THIS GIANT HOLE IN MY HEART
RICHARD:
having a night like I am, I take it
ME:
k so i was having this horrible night
couldnt' sleep
cuz i fucking sleep all day
fucking sleep all dayness...
so i got up
no nyquil in the house
no tylenol pm
no benadryl
RICHARD:
no alcohol?
ME:
no can do, got heart issues
RICHARD:
ahhhh
broken heart issues
ME:
so...shit
shit, i say
meh, i turn on the tv
and i'm like damn that tv is bright
and who is on but dane cook
not in the mood to laugh, I think to myself, not in the mood
but wait
it was vicious circle
which like, i sototally missed when it was originally on
and i was like dude
how did i miss this anyway
he was talking about crying
and i was like
wow that is how i feel
his last in the round bit wasn't so good
but this one
this one was good
dude
i didn't realize he like
he has a SOUL
i mean, i suspected
but like...he's like a real person
anyway apparently he is christian but what i DIDN'T catch was that he grew up catholic
like ME
i've been suspecting for sometime that he's a christian
or an xtian, for you athiests out there.
RICHARD:
I dunno man he's just packaged wrong
and shouldn't be in those shitty movies
ME:
oh yeah
RICHARD:
he caught on with the bro crowd and they're running with it
ME:
yeah, you're totally right, those movies are shitty
RICHARD:
someone said they met him and he was a sweetheart
and some of his bits
the speak and spell one
do you know that one
ME:
haha totally
it's on my ipod
RICHARD:
gets me everytime
ME:
...comes up way too much
ME:
...i think that has something to do with the fact that i can't afford more music
RICHARD:
STEAL IT
didn't I tell you about that LJ group?
soooo much music
all the times
ME:
hmmm okaaayyy
i need to get on that
NEED MORE MUSIC
i've decided
...instead of chasing u2 around the place this year
i'm gonna spend my money on music
oh god my SOUL
my soul it ACHES, richard
RICHARD:
lol
ME:
this is what happens
every night
i get to thinking shit right
i get mad inspired
and i'm like
i gotta...i gotta do something...to fill up my soul
i gotta do something BIG
RICHARD:
yeah
ME:
because this hole, this hole in my soul
it is BIG TOO
RICHARD:
right
lifestyles of the sad and single
ME:
like i gotta...i gotta...
you know?
i gotta be CRAZY and do something brilliant
you know, connect with other people on a VISCERAL LEVELL
you feelinme
RICHARD:
yes I feel you
up close and personal
ME:
and so i'm mad inspired
and i'm like "i gotta get cultured, i gotta LEARN ABOUT THE WORLD"
so i start reading all of those blogs that i saved and never really read
i start dling some new music
maybe do some art
start a new business
you know, flesh out the ME
then 5 am, 6 am comes
and I start to get tired
and so i'm like, alright
i'll go to bed
But MAN I CAN"T WAIT TO WAKE UP AND LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST
and so i got o bed
i set my alarm for 8 am
cuz i can't WAIT to get started again
8 am comes and the alarm goes off and i turn it off
sleep in till 4
don't wanna get up
usually like around 11 i have to pee pretty bad
but i so don't wanna get up
So I hold it for like, 5 hours.
all the while, definitely not getting sleep because I have to pee so bad.
RICHARD:
damn son
STORY OF MY LIFE
ME:
all that motivation
all that INSPIRATION
GONE.
like the missing chunk of my soul
GONE
it's like in my sleep i pulled this total 180
and all a sudden life is filled with a big heavy smoky SUCKNESS
and i don't wanna do ANYTHING
don't care
no motivation
life is just one big fat burden and i'd rather just stay in my bed with my supersoft bamboo sheets and cuddle up with my scented eye mask and my iphone
i go to the WHite Noise app
i choose Airplane
I drown the world out
my little niece comes over BRIDGET I'M CUTE COME PLAY WITH ME
but no
i'm too tired
and I've started to realize
I"m missing out on LIFE
like good shit
meaningful shit
and people in my life are missing out on ME
anyway
every day
that is how it goes
over and over again
RICHARD:
you said it sister
damn
ME:
and the hole gets bigger
RICHARD:
you should write a blorg
ME:
and i feel like a big fat heroin addict
dude, i had one and no one read it.
well, i still have one.
i'll put this on it in case anyone gives a flip.
i hope i remember how
actually, i think the last blog post i made was a convo with you dude
posted by Bridget McGann at 1:15 AM
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